Friday, August 06, 2010

Teen Night (a tongue-in-cheek original poem by Duke Altum)

A poem of this caliber doesn't merit much introductory commentary, but all I can say in my own defense is... I had fun with it. It came to me in a rush, out of nowhere, and since it's based on totally arbitrary moments from my distant past that have no real significance whatsoever, I thought I'd just go with the flow... see what ridiculous images might emerge from the dusty vault of memory.

Don't your middle school/early teen years seem, looking back on them from the safe distance of adulthood, like a trip once taken to some remote and bizarre planet? I can't be the only one who looks back at some of the things I remember from that time and thinks, "What were we even doing then? What was that all about? What were parents and teachers thinking, organizing such events?"

Those kinds of questions, and a sudden and random memory one afternoon of something we used to attend called (with a hilarious lack of imagination, as if tacitly acknowledging the boredom the event would only compound) "Teen Night," have brought this particular indulgence upon us.

Ah, to be young and stupid again in suburban New Jersey!!

*******

Teen Night

Not knowing what else to do,
we would hang around delinquently
along the back wall of the gym,
trying to out-cuss each other
over the squawk of Billy Squier or Def Leppard
from the pathetic little boom-box
on the stage across the room.

I might have been the one
getting stupid on No Frills grape soda,
working the sleeveless OP shirt
and the cut-off jean shorts,
thinking if I slouched at just the right angle
I might just pass for a blonde Ralph Macchio.

Meanwhile, the irony of the red-faced,
vein-popping gym teacher (Mr. Silence)
bellowing at us for no apparent reason -
“Either get your drinks, or GET OUT!! -
wasn’t lost even on our blunt, hormone-addled brains.

And the girls? Needless to say
I can’t recall where they mingled
at these aimless gatherings,
but my memory’s brutally clear on this:
they weren’t anywhere near us.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...
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Mutt Ploughman said...

I'm sorry but I have re-read this like six times and it is utterly hilarious, and DEAD ACCURATE...I know, I was there!!!!